Do I?

According to popular opinion, everybody (woman) wants to get married.  Centuries and centuries of conditioning has taught us that women are born to marry, have children and be domestic dynamos because that’s what being a woman is all about.  I’ll admit that I’ve planned a wedding for every season for myself, including an under the sea inspired reception as an homage to my obsession with mermaids.  Its nice to think about being so very much in love with someone that you want to spend the rest of your mortal existence with him and that your obsessive, clingy emotions are reciprocated by said person, and that you need a piece of paper and ring to symbolize that you two are now obligated to put up with your weird smells, habits and eventually pollute the world with even more annoying mini versions of yourselves.  Real cute.  But when you’re being told to start thinking about these things before you even know where your next paycheck is coming from, you have to stop and think that if this forward think or some archaic notion that you THOUGHT you genuinely believed in but in reality, you never thought about anything else because you weren’t taught to.

Lets keep it real.  Marriage was not created because two people were in love.  Originally, marriage was a business contract between the male heads of two families.  Women weren’t seen as useful but instead were just extra mouths to feed aside from being the ones to do the work the men did not want to do as well as a hole to stick their dicks in.  Crude, but true.  You gave your daughter away (which still happens in today’s ceremonies.  It came form somewhere, folks) to another man in exchange for livestock, land, money, etc.  She was someone else’s problem now.  Love was not a deciding factor in this exchange of property.  I’m not sure who it was that decided to pitch the idea that marriage was about romance, but whom ever it was a slick thinker.  With love attached to this otherwise cold, misogynistic tradition, people were more accepting.  As time went on, women were allowed to choose and accept or deny with whom they would marry.  Thank God for progress.  But we haven’t totally let go of our “old fashioned” notions.

I’m 23, very single and not even sure if marriage is what I want. (I know I want a WEDDING.  I don’t know if I want a MARRIAGE).  In 1920, this statement would have been a red flag for most, if not all.  But its not 1920.  Its 2013.  Being 23 in 2013 is a beautiful thing.  There are so many opportunities and people to meet and connect with and learn from, why do I have to start thinking about forever with one person?  My mother loves to ask me why I so quickly dispose of guys and my response to her is always “I’m in no rush”.  I read recently that after the age of 21, I shouldn’t be dealing with anyone that I do not see a future with.  Well….why?  Why can’t I just date to date?  At 21, I had my first legal drink and the party’s already over?  No! I haven’t even danced to my favorite song yet!

My best friend tried to convince me a few months ago that her now ex boyfriend would have been the man she married.  We hadn’t even gotten our undergrad diplomas yet and she was talking marriage?  Needless to say, I hit her with the “I told you so” after making sure she was alright with the break-up.  They’d only been seeing one another for a few months anyway.  I’m not saying you are incapable of really loving a person before you’re 30 years old but life happens and the universe has a mean curve ball.  Who says that the person you love now will still be the same person years from now?

Healthy, happy marriages are beautiful and when I see one, it makes my heart smile.  I’m far from against serious, long-term relationships and maybe one day I’ll love someone as much as I love pizza.  Maybe I’m jaded because my mother got married only so that she could move out of my grandparents’ house and my grandparents married to avoid a family scandal and I don’t have a solid example of “forever”.  But I’m far from planning futures with anyone beside myself.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the company of the opposite sex and cry while watching The Notebook when Noah tells Allie he wants all of her forever.  But unless the actual Ryan Gosling were to kiss me hard in the rain after a romantic boat ride on his lake surrounded by ducks, I don’t see it for me anytime before 30.  How old were your parents when they got married?  Are they still happy?  Was their marriage a success?  Any regrets about waiting to long or not long enough?  Regret is the last thing I want to associate my relationships with and so I want to take my time (which is ironic because I fall in and out of love faster than Kim K drops her panties for famous black dick).  If no one told us that we’re supposed to settle down and get married, would we?  Would you be so willing to say “I do”?

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One thought on “Do I?

  1. Tyece

    Good post. I’ve had the same “not in the cards for me until at least age 30” sentiment. I see people get married out our age and it legitimately freaks me out. And, everyone says, “You’ll meet the right person” or “You’ll change your mind” (usu the latter is in response to me saying I don’t want to have children) but, really, I think they’re all nuts.

    Reply

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