Monthly Archives: January 2015

Fishy, Fishy (A ThrowBack Thursday Story)

I’ve always had a fascination with marine life and all things aquatic.  At one point in my brief stint as an ambitious child, I wanted to be a marine biologist until I realized that studying more biology than I was interested in would have to be involved.  PASS!  However, that doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy trips to the aquarium and watching ocean documentaries and Discovery Channel’s famed Shark Week (not to be confused with the other shark week that I speak of which causes my reproductive organs to feel as though they have erupted).   I know the difference between a scorpion fish and a lion fish.  I know that the Orca (commonly known as the killer whale) whale is closer to the dolphin family than the whale family.  I know that whales used to live on land and that Narwhals are said to be the creatures that the legend of the unicorn originated from.  I’ve touched sting rays and a horseshoe crabs as well as had a pet goldfish named Neptune that I would have full conversations with while alone in my dorm room (RIP, homie).  All this being said, I’d like to share with all of you a story about my childhood because, well, its funny and its my blog.

The year is 1997.  I’m rocking bubble barrettes in my twisted up hair, and jellies on my feet.  Yes, jellies.  You know the ones.   I’m 7 years old and have spent 5 of those years obsessing over The Little Mermaid.  One of my mom’s old beaus had gotten me the now Walt Disney animated classic on VHS as a birthday present for my 3rd birthday and I watched it every single day.  I even did a dance number in my baby jazz  dance class to “Under The Sea” where we were dressed in blue costumes to look like, well, little mermaids.  It was all very cute and very fun.

At 7, my mother knew her child and I’d over hear her describe me as “moody” and “sensitive” quite often.

“Mommy, what’s ‘moody’ mean?”

“You change your moods very often.  You’re a true Pisces.” she would say.

“What’s a Pisces?”

“Its a star sign.  People who are born in certain months have different star signs.  You’re born in March and you’re a Pisces, The Fish.”

I was a fish!  Mermaids were fish too!  I was a mermaid!!!!  I’d always believed that mermaids were real.  My grandma, like many other Haitian grandmothers do their grandchildren, had told me that her mother saw a mermaid combing her hair on a beach in Haiti a long time ago.  Grandma wouldn’t have dared to lie to her only granddaughter so I knew that mermaids existed.  Just like Santa and The Tooth Fairy.  The signs of my being a mer-person were all there.  I was a great swimmer (except that one time I almost drowned in Aruba on a family vacation), and I’d just learned how to open my eyes underwater for more that 5 seconds.  All that was missing was a set of gills and a tail.  For the rest of the summer, every time I went to the beach and the waves were too rough, I’d shout into the ocean for Ursula the sea witch to chill out.  Being a mermaid-land child was fun.  That is until my mother put me in a compromising situation.

One night at dinner, my mother put my plate in front of me.  I looked at it and saw the white rice I loved, some boiled broccoli and fish sticks.

“I can’t eat this!”

“Whats wrong with it?”

“Its fish sticks!”

“You like fish sticks.”

“Not anymore.  I can’t eat this, Mommy.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t eat MY people!”

I mean, what did she expect?  Did she think I was some sort of cannibal? If I’m a fish, I couldn’t eat other fish!  It was inhumane!  Sure, other fish in the ocean ate each other, but I was also part human and therefore had a conscience as well as other food options.  I never saw Ariel eat another fish.  I never saw Ariel eat anything.  I wasn’t going to be some sort of animal (even though I was a fish).

And so it began.  Anytime fish was being served or eaten around me, I’d judge those eating it harshly.  I’d give “how could you???” gasps and speeches about how anyone that loved me wouldn’t eat the “people” I called my own.  My mother got into the habit of telling people that her crazy, human born fish child did not and would not eat her own “people.”  Trips to Red Lobster would consist of me trying to telepathically communicate with the lobsters in the tank and wondering which of Sebastian’s cousins my Dad was ravaging across the table from me while I filled up on cheddar bay biscuits.  I didn’t eat seafood for about 5 years.

I’m not sure when I decided that snow crab legs and sushi were too good to continue to miss out on, but my belief that I was a mermaid in a past life still remains.  Besides, I saw Splash and the mermaid in that tore up an entire lobster so I figure its alright to indulge a little.  And while I still don’t eat shrimp (I can’t get jiggy with the texture), haven’t had a fish stick in years and I cried while watching the documentary Blackfish, I look back fondly on my first experience with standing up for something I believed in no matter how ridiculous it sounds now.  I’m not sure how many fish lives I might have saved by refusing those breaded sticks of mystery meat (is it really fish anyway?) but 7 year old Noëlle knows she made a difference.  I’m sure the people of Atlantica are grateful.

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That New-New

Happy New Year, guys and gals!  I hope your holiday season was filled with love, joy, food, booze, and what ever else tickles your fancy and makes your spirit smile.  I know mine was.  But first….

Notice anything different?  Anything missing?  I’ll wait.  Figure it out yet?

I AM NOW A .COM SITE!  Check me the fuck out!

I know I’ve been absent for some time now.  I hope I was missed and I’m sorry for being so negligent.  If any of my readers are writers, you know how it is when you’re in a rut.  I’ll be honest with you, I got lazy.  Nothing was happening in that part of my soul that makes me want to write.  It was like I’d fallen asleep in class.  Not to mention, my laptop decided that she’d had enough of me and refused to work with the kid for some time.  Thats no excuse though.  I allowed myself to stray away from my passion.  I became stagnant which is so not fetch.  But I’m back with a new attitude and a new drive (and a new laptop).

Many times, New Year’s posts are about reflection.  My fellow writers have written about reflecting on the lessons they’ve learned in the past year, things that were happy, things that were sad.  And while I’ll give a quick nod to the events of 2014 in this post, I want to also put in writing all of the things that I want for myself in 2015.  I want to write it down, type it up and put it out into the universe for me to snatch and grab on to for the next 361 days of 2015.  But first, here is my brief review.

In 2014 I…

  • Got a full time job (BIG MONEY! [not really])
  •  continued to acknowledge that Beyoncé remains queen of the world
  • made amends with a friend
  • strengthened my relationship with my mother (a little.  still work to be done)
  • strengthened my relationship with my gals
  • received analingus for the first time and enjoyed it
  • got a boo-thang (hi, squishy)
  • saw Lavel for the first time since I left Baltimore
  • got drunk
  • got high
  • got pizza
  • laughed
  • loved
  • cried

It was a colourful year for me, I must say.  However, I’m more excited about what I plan on doing in 2015 that will hopefully kickstart more plans for the rest of my life as a twenty-something as well as bring the good things from 2014 with me.  For starters, I dropped that dingy “.wordpress” from my URL!  And now, I want for my full time job to lead to my settling into a career that I love and enjoy.  I want to get better at saving so that I can tell Sallie Mae to fuck off.  I want to travel and fill my passport with stamps and my photo albums with memories.  I want my relationships with my family and friends to continue to grow and change and be beautiful.  I will try to moderate my pizza intake because I want a body like Pam Grier’s in her prime (God willing).  I will stop blocking my blessings and allow a man that has been right under my nose for about a year into my life and we will be happy and I will let him give me orgasms regularly.  I want to be a more positive person and spend less time beating myself up, but instead build myself up.  I WILL WRITE MORE!  I want to continue to connect and build bonds with other beautiful black women who write or draw or paint or play a sport or sing or whatever because sisterhood is crucial. I want to learn more.  I will build my relationship with my God and be more spiritual.

I want it all and I want to keep believing that in 2015 I can and will have it all as long as I keep this attitude going.  That is most important.  I want to hold on to the good feeling I’ve had so far.  Too often I let my bad feelings suck me into a dark place and I neglect the people and things I love, myself included.  I do not want that anymore.  So here we go.  May the year 2015 be in my favor.  Happy New Year!