[Insert “is this thing on?” joke here]
I find myself often asking for consistency in my relationships, both platonic and romantic. However, I see that I don’t do a good job at remaining consistent with myself. Ain’t that about a bitch?
Hello again. It’s been almost two years since you’ve heard from me. My apologies if you’ve missed me. I missed me too.
Its 7:09 AM EST. I officially started my winter break but as life would have it, my body hasn’t fully adjusted to the time off which allows me to sleep past 6 AM without much consequence. But this morning I decided to stop talking about getting back to writing and actually do it. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately: doing and not just talking. Let’s pause and rewind first.
At first I sat here and typed long paragraphs attempting to fill in the gaps between now and when I last posted but I deleted them. Why? It just didn’t feel necessary to do. What I will say, however, is that the 1 year and 6 months since my last post have has been filled with transitions, growth and a major loss. In June, one of the largest parts of me, my grandfather, passed away. I’ve learned since then that grief is a strange thing. I’ve traveled some, lost weight, made friends, lost friends, grown a ton professionally, struggled financially and a bit academically. I’ve made some selfish choices that I’m not ashamed of and felt were necessary and some that simply served as instant gratification but in the long run weren’t worth the outcomes. I’ve dated, had great sex, had trash sex. I’ve gotten high. I’ve gotten drunk. I’ve cried a lot. But most importantly, I’ve been DOING things. I’ve been GOING places. I’ve been LIVING. Finally.
I’ve learned that as fun as it is to say, “live your best life!” it’s not always easy for me to do. It can get messy. I question myself and my choices a lot because I’m so used to playing it safe. It’s part of the process I suppose. But I like who I am priming myself to be.
Which brings me back to the concept of consistency. It is a skill that I’m still mastering. However, I find that without practicing it, this woman I’m becoming will vanish.
Was this my best writing? No. But I stopped saying I was going to write, and I did it. We’ll shake the rust off as we go. So here’s to consistency and all the growth it shall bring. You will be seeing me more often. I promise.